In the lead up to bedtime, does your child start worrying about sleep? Do they struggle with anxious thoughts like “What if I can’t fall asleep?”, “If I can’t sleep, how will I cope at school tomorrow?” or wake up in the night feeling anxious about getting back to sleep?
Many well-meaning parents unintentionally make this anxiety worse by offering too much reassurance, engaging in long discussions about sleep concerns, or making accommodations that reinforce the idea that their child can’t handle sleep on their own.
With the right coaching, children can learn to manage their anxiety, trust their ability to sleep, and develop the independent sleep skills they need.
Let’s explore how to help your child overcome their bedtime anxiety.
bedtime anxiety
How Bedtime Anxiety Works
Children with anxiety about sleep often get caught in a cycle of worried thoughts, like:
❌ What if I can’t fall asleep?
❌ What if I wake up and can’t go back to sleep?
❌ What if I feel tired tomorrow?
❌What if I have bad dreams?
These worries activate their stress response, making it even harder to relax and fall asleep. The more they focus on trying to sleep, the more anxious they feel—keeping them awake even longer.
As parents, our job to coach them through their anxiety and teach them how to take control of it.
bedtime anxiety
How Parents Can Accidentally Make Anxiety Worse.
While it’s natural to want to ease a child’s distress, certain responses can actually reinforce their fears:
1. Providing Too Much Comfort
If we stay in the room longer, cuddle more, or allow our child to sleep in our bed every time they express anxiety, it teaches them that they need a parent present to feel safe at bedtime.
Instead send a clear message: “I believe in you. You can do this.”
bedtime anxiety
2. Engaging in Lengthy Reassurance
When children repeatedly say, “What if I can’t sleep?” and we respond with lengthy explanations like “You’ll be fine. Your body knows how to sleep” or “You always end up sleeping”, it actually keeps the worry alive.
Instead, keep responses brief and empowering:
“That’s just a worry trying to trick you. Your body knows how to sleep.” Then, redirect them to a coping strategy that they can use to easy the anxiety – whether it be thinking happy thoughts, deep breaths, meditation or another strategy that speaks to them.
bedtime anxiety
How to Help Children Take Charge of Their Sleep Anxiety
1. Be Your Child’s Coach
As parents, we have to shift from soothing anxiety for our child to teaching them how to handle it themselves. The key? A “You can do it” attitude.
“I know you’re feeling worried, but I also know you can handle this.”
Children need to practice handling anxiety when they’re not in the thick of it. You can introduce strategies during the day, then remind them to use them at night.
bedtime anxiety
2. Teach Children How Worry Works
One of the best ways to help children with anxiety is to explain how it works:
Worry feels real, but that doesn’t mean it’s based on fact. The more you focus on worry, the stronger it gets. But when you acknowledge worry and do it anyway, it starts to fade.
bedtime anxiety
Talk to them about Real vs. Not Real Worries:
✔️ Worrying about being hit by a car while standing in the road is a real and valid worry.
❌ Worrying that you won’t fall asleep is not real, because your body always finds a way to sleep.
Your feelings are real, but they’re not facts. Feelings change, but facts stay the same.
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3. Teach Children to Reframe Their Worries
Children need tools to challenge and reframe their anxious thoughts. We can talk to them about saying to themselves:
“That’s just my anxiety talking. I’m going to take charge and tell it to go away.”
“These thoughts aren’t reality. They’re not important. I’m going to think about something else.”
This helps children separate themselves from their anxiety and take control of their thoughts.
bedtime anxiety
4. Give Them a Plan for Middle-of-the-Night Wake-Ups
If a child wakes up anxious in the middle of the night, they need a clear plan to handle it without relying on your help.
✔️ Take a deep breath and remind themselves, “My body knows how to sleep.”
✔️ Use a relaxation strategy (breathing, muscle relaxation, or visualization/meditation).
✔️ Stay in bed and let their body rest—without focusing on how long they’ve been awake.
bedtime anxiety
Remember: It’s hard to learn new skills in the middle of anxiety, so it is important to practice these strategies during the day. And then when nighttime comes, you can gently remind them of their skills instead of trying to teach them in the heat of the moment.
Helping children overcome bedtime anxiety is about more than just offering comfort—it’s about teaching them how to manage their fears and trusting in their ability to sleep.
By staying calm, keeping routines consistent, and empowering children with the right skills, you can help them take charge of their worry and anxiety over sleep and build confidence in their ability to sleep and sleep well.
