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There is a lot of scary stuff happening in the world right now and our kids are hearing about it and seeing it. Whether it be on the news or being discussed at school or they just hear about it as they pass by someone on the street. As much as we’d like to shelter our kids from the scariness in the world it might not possible. But there are things we can do to help them during this time of uncertainty so that they can feel heard, reassured, and feel some measure of hope.
Validate their feelings.
No matter what your child is feeling about the war it is important to validate them. Let them know that you understand how scary it feels right now. Sometimes we can say things like “don’t worry” or “the war is far away from us”. While this is well-meaning it can feel dismissive to a child who is feeling scared and worried and can make them feel less like talking about how they are feeling.
Validating their feelings doesn’t only have to be about acknowledging their feelings. It can also include sending the message that we are here for them, that we’ll do our best to protect them and give them some hope too. We can let them know that we are afraid too but that we are prepared for whatever happens and that we’ll get through it together as a family.
Answer Questions.
No matter what your child is feeling about the war it is important to validate them. Let them know that you understand how scary it feels right now. Sometimes we can say things like “don’t worry” or “the war is far away from us”. While this is well-meaning it can feel dismissive to a child who is feeling scared and worried and can make them feel less like talking about how they are feeling.
Validating their feelings doesn’t only have to be about acknowledging their feelings. It can also include sending the message that we are here for them, that we’ll do our best to protect them and give them some hope too. We can let them know that we are afraid to but that we are prepared for whatever happens and that we’ll get through it together as a family.
When our kids ask questions about the war it is important to answer them with factual information. As a general rule, if our kids ask us a question about something it indicates that they are ready for the answer. Being factual not only builds trust but it allows us to be there for them and help them make sense of the information they are hearing. And if you don’t know an answer it is ok. You can learn together. You can also say “that’s a good question. I am going to find out and get back to you.”
Talk about all the ‘sames’.
While the world is feeling unpredictable and scary right now we can talk about all the things that stay the same. This can be helpful for kids of any age. Routines and schedules help kids feel more secure while the outside world is changing.
Limit News Access.
Scary, heart-wrenching images and details are in the news daily right now. While we may want to see this information so that we stay informed, it is important to keep this away from our kids. Limit what news they watch and if they do watch some be there with them so that you can have conversations about it together.
Look for the helpers.
As Fred Rogers said: “When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, ‘Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.” We can talk to our kids about the people out there helping and working hard to make this better. We can even start a conversation with our kids about how we can be helpers too – drawing pictures, sending love, saying prayers, donating money.
Wars End.
We may not know yet where this war will go as it’s a day-by-day thing, but we can let our kids know that historically wars do end. It may not be tomorrow or the next day but there will come a day where it will be over. We can also talk to our kids about the good times that will happen in the future while talking about the scary times that are happening right now. This gives them hope.
As the days go by, we can be there for our kids to keep the lines of communication open about what is happening in the world right now. We can talk about it, feel the feelings together and support each other as a family team. We may not know where this current war will lead but working through it as a family is the most important thing we can do right now.